Okay, I've been holding this back for like a month now, and i'm sorry for venting here.. I know I said i'd stop dragging my personal issues onto dA, but I just desperately need to vent at the moment.. so forgive me.

I feel like absolute shit.. I know it's important to look ahead and not let the past get you down, but I just can't do that for some reason. The last month or two of my life has just been filled with regret, misery, and depression. Certain things I can't stop thinking about, and wished I had never done, or atleast did differently. It never goes away, and it makes me so upset I can't stand it. It's like.. I just sit and think "what have I done?.." or "What if..?" and that maybe.. maybe some things would have been better off for others if I had never came around or got involved at all, you know?

And i'm so ridiculously paranoid it's pathetic. I worry so much about losing people I care about.. Half the people I consider my friends, don't even bother speaking to me anymore, and I get so scared of more people getting the same way with me. I have separation anxiety disorder, so like, not getting to be with or losing people I care about, or even just the thought of it, is the most excruciating experience to me..

For awhile, I thought it was just a phase I was going through, that i'd eventually get past all this.. but I never did. It's so hard for me to handle the way i've felt lately.. It's just so hard.. I just want things to be better, and to get over my emotional issues for good. I don't know how much more of it I can handle..